by Drew Bradley
Yes, this opening sucks.
Hero was born a baby. His dad was a fisherman, and his mom was a nurse in a M*A*S*H unit in the Second Korean War. Dad was often asked if he was angry due the the odd shape of his eyebrows. He was usually not.
One day, without warning...
After becoming an orphan, Hero moved in with his best friend, Jonathan Weistein. Their house was somewhere with mountains.
Hero was happy with his life until one day...
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Hero was crushed when Jonathan left him. Having lost everyone he had ever been close to, Hero was very sad. He didn't do much after that... until one day:
The voice on the other end of the line told Hero that he was tracking down the murderer of Hero's parents. The line was staticy and Hero could only understand that the man was somewhere in the midwest. Hero decided to find the man, but he could not just become an orphan wandering from town to town on a whim.
He had to apply for a wandering orphan license. His resume was terrible, but the man at the desk took pity on him because Hero had spent the last 7 years of his life watching the crack in his ceiling grow to the wall.
The only requirement for the license was to get a hat.
You know what happened after that.